Standing in the rain
by Shhh-Its-An-Alias
Summary: "Jade... don't go" You whispered, the words raw in your throat and thick with tears. It strikes you how tragic you must look, sat in you bed hugging your knees as this beautiful girl dressed all in black leaves to go to her boyfriend. To the one she loves


Hello, people of Earth. This was a very random thing to write, I stayed up all night writing it and lost hours of sleep, but I'm glad I did. I like how this finished and hopefully you will review and tell me that you like it too.

Denny x

* * *

"Jade... don't go" You whispered, the words raw in your throat and thick with tears. It strikes you how tragic you must look, sat in you bed hugging your knees as this beautiful girl dressed all in black leaves to go to her boyfriend. To the one she really loves.

And it hurts you inside more than you thought possible, because last night was the single greatest experience of your life, your most treasured memory, you were so happy you practically glowed, all smiles and shining eyes. Jade clearly doesn't feel the same, you try to reach out to her, but as your fingers close around hers she flinches away like your flesh burns hers. She's trying to run away from this.

"Stop it Tori" Its just a little too loud to be a whisper, just a little too forceful to be friendly. "Just stop it." Her words are so harsh they conjure up more sobs from the body you thought had been wrung dry of them. But she looks up at you and her eyes... she can't lie through them, and they are wide and filled with just as much pain as yours must be, but its Jade, of course she won't cry, its Jade and she's infinitely stronger than anyone you know.

That almost makes it more painful when she leaves without another word, your clothes are still scattered all over your bedroom, your shirts buttons scattered all over the floor, a testament to the frenzy you both endured with huge smiles. You'd never seen her so happy, and you know she loves you couldn't have tried harder to get her to choose you. And she just left you.

Beck will be waiting for her in his little trailer, his pathetic attempt at a grown up life. Jade will arrive and he'll welcome her with open arms, kiss the lips that you kissed the night before, his hands trailing over the flesh you worshipped not too long ago. Maybe he'll even smell you on her.

Its so stupid, because you were both drunk and filled with typical teenage hormones and horrible clichés, but you can't imagine there being more than what you two had. The way she looked straight into your eyes as she whispered the words you wanted to hear... it makes it so much more painful. How can Beck offer her more than you? Because you would do anything, anything for just one more kiss. You would die a thousand times for her.

Your sobs are loud around your cluttered room, and it all suddenly seems pointless, pictures of you with Andre and Cat. Why? You don't need that, what's the point, what's the point in any of it now she's gone. You have to stifle your sobs when you hear Trina's angry footsteps banging down the hallway towards you.

"What do you think you're doing I'm trying to..." You can visibly see her reaction as she realises what the scene before her spells out, she saw Jade come in last night, she's the one who let her in, expecting an argument to ensue... not this. You can see sympathy in her eyes. Its funny, it might be the only time you've ever seen Trina care about anyone more than herself, but right now you don't care.

So you whirl around your room plucking fresh clothes from drawers and dressing before she has the chance to make everything seem more real by saying things; by verbalising it. You rush out of the house in jeans and t-shirt, impervious to the cold rain trying to drag you down. You run. Feet pounding the pavement and sounding almost violent in a way that reminds you of Jade, because she's the most violent person you know.

You run faster and further than you ever have before, and you're gasping when you reach the stupid trailer sat in his parents driveway. No matter how hard you knock there's no answer, you yell and pound on the door but still nothing. A voice inside your head is screaming at you for being so stupid as to think she would tell the truth about where she was going. A smaller voice is telling you to give up. You can't give up, you just can't you've known since you first saw her that you wanted her, and her apparent hatred for you only made her seem more attractive, a challenge, you have never given up on a challenge. You can't give up because you know if you just let this go, then it'll be like telling her its fine to just walk away. And you'll never get another chance like this.

Your finger nails are digging into your palms so hard, and for a second that drags you back to earth, it centres you more than drifting thoughts about Jade can. Your feet pound the pavement again and you feel ready to collapse, but you know if you stop then something terrible will happen. Your blood is burning in your veins and the rain is freezing on your skin and your muscles are screaming in agony as you finally, finally, stop. Cats curtains are still drawn and your mobile phone is dripping and unresponsive, you think somewhere far in the back of your head that you'll care about that when this ordeal is over. Plucking a handful of pebbles from her gravel driveway you release them one by one at the pane of glass with a bright pink curtain behind it.

You're about to pick up more when the windows yanked open and Jades face is there angry and ready to shout at whoever was there, she wasn't expecting you. You see her face drop and it feels a little too like Romeo and Juliet for you to not expect a tragic ending. But you had to try, you had to, because life without her was just too much (or too little?) and you couldn't bear the thought of breathing if you didn't get to see her at all.

"What do you want Vega?" You're almost grateful when you hear that (fake) angry voice waver just a little.

"I want you!" You cry out, and you know it was a little too loud and probably woke up Cats parents, but hell, you're a performer, and what's a performer without an audience?

"Go home Tori. You're soaking wet, you're going to get sick... not that I care." Jades acting wouldn't have fooled anyone, especially not you, because you know her too well.

"Jade, please, if you tell me last night was a mistake, if you tell me you don't love me, then I'll leave, I'll drop out of Hollywood arts and never see you again, but..." Your voice cracks and you wince as you can almost feel her hurtful words bubbling up "...but if you do love me, if you don't regret last night, then know this. I love you more than anyone else ever can." After more than a moments of aching anticipation you hear her again, her voice quieter than you think you've ever heard it, so unsure.

"I love Beck." You see her close her eyes and bite back tears. That's more than agony, knowing that she's hurting to.

"I know..." You choke back over more tears, because you do know, you've known that all along, you're just hoping that whatever you two have is stronger. "... I know you do, I've known that all along, I just... I think you love me more. I think I can make you happier."

Jade disappears from the window and Cats worried face peeks through, her hair just as vibrant in the early morning light.

"Come on up Tori!" Her voice is so sweet, so trusting, even when you two had trusted her with so little. You navigate the corridors of her house easily, you've been here many times before and for a strange moment you wonder if maybe you dripping all over the carpet will ruin it. Cats room is just how you remember it, and so is Cat because as soon as she sees you her face splits into a huge grin that's almost brighter than the sun. You have no time to look at her before your eyes are drawn to the only dark spot in the room.

"Jade." You whisper, and there's so much longing, so much need and desperation and hysterical pain in that one word you think you should probably feel embarrassed.

She's sat on Cats bed examining her hands that are clenched in her lap. You can see her try not to look at you but she can't quite help it. You step closer to her and kneel before her, its almost impossible for her to avert her eyes from yours, its a watery meeting of green and brown and its never meant so much before now.

"Jade, just tell me you love him more than me, just tell me that and I'll leave you alone forever." A small part of you is absolutely terrified of her loving you back.

"I can't tell you that." Its the first time you've ever seen her cry and you can't help but wipe the tears off her cheeks

"You love me" Its not quite a statement, but its not a question either, its more like you're talking to yourself, so surprised by this amazing, beautiful, fiercely perfect girl loving you, so shocked you don't quite feel its real.

"Beck's here." Cats once cheerful voice sounded nervous. You come plummeting back to earth, trapped in a death spiral by the cold realisation of gravity. Of course she would have called him.

You hover by the window as you watch Jade stride through the rain to his car. You wait and watch the small movement you can barely make out, the agitated movement of tanned hands as Beck speaks, Her pale hand reaching out to him, reassuring him or consoling him? Promising something or breaking a promise? You can't bear not knowing. Before they're done talking you're outside stood in front of his car, it doesn't even cross his mind to drive into you. A little bit of your heart breaks at the guilt you feel, you feel sorry for him, because he's such a good guy and he never in a million years saw this coming.

"I want you to stay away from my girlfriend." His voice is colder than you've ever heard and you know you've lost a good friend.

"I can't do that." Your voice is far calmer than you could of hoped.

"She's my girlfriend, she loves me, she chose me!" His finger is pointed angrily at you and you can see raw pain in his eyes.

"She loves me too! She's only dating you because she met you first!" You need to take him down. No matter how nice a guy he is you have to do this; its you or him.

"She'd already met you when she agreed to marry me!" The words fly out of his mouth before he quite knows what he just said. "We're engaged Tori." The last statement sounded a little too apologetic and a little too... victorious.

Jade opened the car door as you stumbled away from them. You had never felt colder than right then. You see them then, through the rain, just stood there side by side, not touching. You should have known how this would end. They are the perfect couple, and he's far more perfect than you could ever be, how could you even dream of beating him?

"Tori I..." Jade made a move to approach you but your raised hand silenced her and stopped her in her tracks.  
"I hope you're very happy together." You feel numb, empty, lifeless, dead. You turn to leave, and there is a part of you that expects words to be shouted through the rain to stop you.

You walk slowly down the gravel drive without looking back, you can hear the crunch of the gravel beneath your feet and that's all. The engine doesn't start behind you, there are no footsteps following you, no begging words coming from a tearful Jade.

You hoped, wished desperately that you'd feel a hand turn you round and stop you from leaving, maybe Jade would change her mind and drag you back insisting that you never leave her.

You keep expecting a hand to grab your arm and stop you.

It never does.

* * *

Review please x


End file.
